i need a vacation

The potty training must be pretty stressful for Frances; she was up twice last night in the night, stretched out in her bed crying scared and sad like a bad dream. She calmed down right away when I was there and I rocked her for a bit and sang to her until she said she was ready to go back to her bed. Clark isn't sleeping either--he's right on a developmental cusp physically and I've read that these types of transitions are like when you have a presentation coming up at work plus guests coming to stay and the water heater breaks. Just system overload. So he was up three times. The first time I nursed him and the second I tried to just soothe him and rock him but he was so upset that I wasn't nursing him that he nearly propelled himself out of my arms. So nurse again we did. Need I say I was pretty tired today? Plus Frances is giving up her nap, I believe. No wonder today I want a new job. Or at least a vacation.

I put her pull-ups back on her today. It was just too much for me and clearly was causing her anxiety and then we had music class. I was worried that if she had an accident in music class she would be really upset, though I knew I could have her go to the potty just before class and then again afterwards. It's only 45 minutes after all. Anyway.

But in other ways things are good. This morning she'd been watching TV and I told her we were going to turn it off and she could find something play while I worked in the kitchen. I was blending apricots I'd steeped and bananas and then pouring them into ice trays for Clark's meals. At first I suggested she work a puzzle or maybe build with her duplo blocks. She said, "That's a good idea, Mommy!" then started making suggestions herself. Clark was sleeping and it was a nice moment with just the two of us. I need to keep these moments in the front of my brain, especially when I need a vacation so very badly.