less than 3 weeks

I sleep on the pull-out couch these days. Not only do I have a fortress of pillows—the body pillow, four regular pillows plus 2 throw pillows to prop up my swollen numb hands—but I get up to pee every two hours. When I was still in the bed with Mitch, I would try to roll as gently as I could out of the bed and slide ever so gently back into it, so as not to disturb him, but I finally had to admit that there was nothing gentle about my motions. Really what I was doing was heaving myself over and up, and then when I returned I had to rearrange all my pillows and heave myself back in the middle of them.

I've also had to stop carrying Frances. I can lift her onto the changing table or into the car seat, but I can't hold her for any length of time. It's not as hard as I thought it would be, and she doesn't seem to mind. Now and then when she's falling apart and needs me to hold her, I just sit down on the floor so she can come to me. The largest problem is, for example, that I can't pick her up inside the house and carry her to the car where I strap her in. Instead, I have to hold her hand as we walk down the stairs and sidewalk, and I have to be patient while she dallies at the bushes, then I have to convince her to get in the car, which is sometimes not so easy. Again with the flexibility. I've just had to rethink my schedule and how fast things get done, rethink how I arrange my day and what's important. It's been good for me. Sometimes it would certainly be easier to pick her up so we could make better time walking across the library parking lot... I'm sort of glad I've had to go more slowly with Frances this last bit, because I think it's prepared me well for the change of pace in my life after the baby comes.

Less than 3 weeks to go before my due date! I'm excited to see how Frances interacts with the baby, how she reacts to having a new creature in the house. I'm excited to see her hold him and see how she helps; she loves to be a helper. I held a 4-week old the other day and it felt so strange... I'd forgotten what it was like. Funny little creatures.