more to obsess about

Frances is supposed to start preschool Tuesday. I've been having second thoughts about it all, at first wondering if she's ready and obsessing about whether I should keep her out another year. I've moved on to admitting that it's not her readiness that's the issue; it's mine. Maybe I'm not ready for her to go to school. Maybe I want her all to myself awhile longer. I don't know don't know don't know. We finally have a little rhythm going, a sweet schedule with the three of us (baby included) that involves library time and walks and feeding ducks at the canal. Isn't that enough? I think the answer is yes, it's enough if I want it to be. The answer is that there is no right answer and no wrong one either. School would be good for her in some ways, but it wouldn't do her damage to wait another year. Maybe school would give me some space with the baby and myself to get things done (or just relax). Or maybe school would make me feel (already!) like our lives are scheduled and rigid and lacking in joy. (Okay, an overstatement.) On I agonize.