Monday, August 18, 2008


The boy is 5 1/2 months old (already! I can't believe) and his little body is trying to get on a 2 a day nap schedule. I was so organized and consistent with my time when F was a baby and it really paid off in her disposition I believe. She knew what to expect and she's been accommodating since about taking naps and going to bed. Her schedule is still firm, but Clark tends to nap on the go since his nap time falls when F and I are going. I fear that if I were to be consistent with his naps too, then I'd never leave the house. He'd nap and then she'd nap and then he'd nap again, and then it'd be dinner time. Yet I feel so strung out lately, so chaotic and disorganized, and I think a schedule would help everyone out. Working on that. It's my latest project.

The other thing happening is that M and I are doing a trial membership for a health club. It's an expensive club; the upside is it's literally a quarter mile from our house, which means we might actually go. I've gone to a couple of classes so far and they kick my butt--a good thing. I've been feeling so stiff and achy and low on energy, and I was recently complaining to M about how I'm getting old. He nicely pointed out that perhaps it's less my getting old and more my being out of shape. This hadn't occurred to me. (I have, after all, given birth twice in less than 2 years.) I want time at the health club to be part of my schedule--they have a "kidtown" which F has already decided she likes, which makes working out (ie: doing something solely for myself) less guilt-ridden; I'm struggling with that anyway when I'm there. The anxiety of being a mom is endless. I'm hoping that a morning leg of my schedule will include Clark's napping at kidtown. Will see how that goes.


hannah said...

they are both so big! and frances' hair is so long. i'm so sad i missed seeing them when you were down here. the neighborhood, my front porch swing and i miss you!!!

Paige said...

I totally know what you mean about nap for #2/nap for #1/nap for #2 taking up the whole day. I've been thinking alot about that too. Maybe it'll be a little easier once it gets colder - you won't want to be out of the house so much anyway?

Acknowledge the guilt, think about why you feel the guilt (not the obvious reason, but maybe the deeper reasons that you in particular feel guilt over this issue), make a decision (to continue the gym!) and move on.

And remember that just because you can't be as accomodating of the second as you were of the first, doesn't make you a bad mother - just a mother doing the best she can. And you are. And that's what counts in the end.