Thursday, June 9, 2011

bedtime is not my time

Okay, okay. So too much chocolate (probably coupled with handfuls of peanuts) is indeed too much of a good thing. Botox has its limits, turns out. So sad. Still! Only one headache in two weeks! It's unheard of, until now anyway. Since the one headache - last Friday - I've eaten all the triggers (cheese, chocolate, nuts) but not by the handful. Interestingly, I can feel this one muscle in my shoulder lock up when I eat these things, but no pain in my head. Good times!

I have so much more energy, am more patient with the kids, both of which are a relief to me. Now I understand how all the crafty moms take care of their kids AND sew whole quilts. 

Still, the botox didn't fix my bedtime problem. I am horrible at bedtime. I know it's supposed to be this lovely relaxing snuggle time with the kids, and maybe if I worked and didn't see them during the day, that is what it would be. But I don't, and it's not. It's the time when I'm almost off duty, just a few more minutes, dammit stop fooling around and open your mouth so I can brush your damn teeth. Sigh.

I try to give bedtime to the babysitters as much as I can. Last night the kids were out with their sitter and I was in the house being quiet, and I thought it would be nice to participate in bedtime, so rather than take the dog for a walk so I wouldn't be home when the kids got here, I stayed. Which was a mistake. It's not just hard on me; it's hard on them too. They just go down so much more easily for the sitter, everyone is calmer.

It's taken me a while to be honest with myself about this limitation. I felt like I should be better at it, thought somehow this one time of day was crucial to my success as a parent. Now I've simply admitted what is true. I don't know why it frightened me so. 


David E. Felton said...

Hey Cali,
Just visited your blog for the first time in quite a while after seeing a f'book post. I don't keep up with the f'book very much, so I'm glad that I caught your post and followed it to the blog. I read your May 30 post and this one. I respect your honesty in these posts. I'm not surprised by it. You've always seemed rather fearless to me. I just wanted to say that it's awesome to hear about your discovery of a treatment that helps with your headaches. I'm sure I've never heard you describe so completely how much it affected you. My sis has been going through about two years of a near constant headache and nothing much seems to touch it. This gives me hope. Nice to 'hear' your voice online. I do hope you continue to do well with the new treatment. All my best always, to you and yours. Cheers, David

Paige said...

Cali, so glad the botox is still working (within certain reasonable limits!). Bedtime for a SAHM def sucks. You're right, it's that you're almost off work and your boss asks you to just stay and do this one more thing and then that turns into this one more thing and meanwhile your handsome lover is waiting at home for you with chocolate and wine...

Amy said...

I am the same way! People make fun of me because my kids go to bed early, but that's the only time of the day I have completely to myself (they are early risers). The end of the day typically becomes the bewitching hour for two hours straight! It's okay to have parts of your day you don't enjoy. Acknowledge them, say it's okay, and really enjoy the parts you do love:) Miss you tons and hope to see you soon:)