I've been thinking lately that taking care of babies is like having a daily practice--like zen or yoga--that it's something you just do, don't think, don't fight, just do over and over, and there's something amazing in that. These days I really love it and am struggling with it less. Since Clark is finally walking and the kids are a little more self-sufficient it's a bit easier on me.
This idea of daily practice is one of the reasons I think about having another baby; I want more of it, I'm afraid it's going to be over too soon--but then I remember Clark won't go to preschool even for another year and a half. Next year Frances do only 2 mornings and Clark will be with me all the time.
Perhaps when it's over and they're in school I can have a real daily practice of yoga or sitting zazen. I've always wanted this but haven't had enough discipline. I think parenting is teaching me that discipline. It's not something you should struggle for, exert your will over. It's just something you do--no thinking, no mind. Like now with the kids, I don't have to force myself to get up and take care of them, I just do it. No questioning, no struggle, no pride or congratulations. It's just a thing.
And this is my life.