Monday, November 3, 2008

no no no perspective

People keep telling me that it all gets easier (having two tots ridiculously close in age) after the first 2 years. What I can't tell is whether the difficulties I'm having staying home w/ them are difficulties anyone would have (well, anyone in their right mind...), or if there's something wrong w/ me that I'm not relishing it more, or if it's just the ppd, or all the crazy amounts of changes I've been through in the last year and once I settle in things will be better, or if I should simply go back to work. I have no perspective.

It's not that I don't enjoy it. I do. But it also completely exhausts me. It exasperates me. I don't want to be exasperated w/ my kids. It's exasperating and it's wonderful and it's tiring and it's hilarious and maybe I just see the glass as half empty rather than half full. Maybe it's all about perspective, of which I have none, as we've already covered.

I'm trying to decide what to do about childcare next fall. It's a little early for these thoughts, you might be thinking, but the school where Frances goes needs to hold places now for any siblings next year. Clark can't go to their half day program (the one Frances is in now) because he won't be two yet. But they have the option for full days. And it can be any number of full days--can be only two days, for instance. Oh, the idea of having two FULL days to myself, without kids, quiet in the house, where I can quilt or make jewelry or cook or garden or write on my blog or listen to my music really really loud. But would it screw up their naps? I have full control right now of their naps and so am able to keep a regular schedule (I'm very big on the schedule). I don't know. Anyone with thoughts about this, plusses or minuses, please post here!

p.s. Halloween was fab. Will post adorable picture of dragon-girl only, as boy went as himself and slept in the backpack. Next year will be his year!


Coen Family said...

Don't you love it when other people think you will have the same experiences they've had. I want to tell them to quit assuming my situation will turn out the same as there's, because in all reality it won't. It might be similar, but that's where it ends. I think it would be great for you to have a couple days to yourself. Mainly to get some rest and relaxation, and do things for yourself. Then you can be fresh when the kids are home. I don't know what you are going through (although that may change in the coming months) but I can empathize with you and let you know I am thinking of you...all the time. I am always here if you need to talk, or just want to talk about silly stuff!

Love you lots,

Lori said...

I admire you for even trying to stay home full-time with two young kids. I realized very soon after my son was born that I would not want to do that, would definitely not be happy doing it, and possibly couldn't even manage to do it (at least not well). That all came as a BIG surprise to me--not what I would have expected at all.

Three years hasn't changed my perspective. Two days with him one-on-one on the weekend and I'm ready to take him to school on Monday. It's good for him, and it's good for me. That can certainly be a difficult balance to find.

Having other regular caregivers does mean adapting schedules and such, but it doesn't mean you can't still have a schedule--maybe nap time is just at a different time than now. "Life's about changing. Nothing ever stays the same." Good luck with your decisions!