Tuesday, March 6, 2012

hello there!

I don't know why I've been absent here so long. I do have excuses, though they're not interesting enough to share. Mostly, I think, my creative outlets have shifted to material production - like baking the crazy biannual birthday cake. Or these balls I sewed from old sweaters. (Aren't they cute? I was so tired of telling Clark not to throw things in the house and decided he needed something he was allowed to throw. The green and gray one was for him. Then Frances wanted one (left). Hers has embroidery from a kit she was working on while I made the balls. The one on the right is for our favorite 2 year old. She loved Clark's ball when she was here last, and she happens to be having a birthday this week. Frances did the embroidery on that one freehand, and it was her idea to write with a fabric pen on the heart. The little one was just cuz. I'm doing one more for the birthday gift, and I need to find a bell to put in it. I've got one around here somewhere.)

I've been reading old posts, ones like this and this, mostly when Clark was a year to a year and a half, and Frances was 2 and a half to three. It was like living with two wild animals. No wonder I was out of my mind. Things are so different now, calmer, more sane. I can take my eyes off my children to do things like shower or have the stomach flu. A couple of weeks ago when I was horribly ill I even napped while they were awake and playing in the house. A new world!

I've also been reading these old posts to Frances, like this one and this one. She thinks these stories about herself are hilarious. "More, more!" she says. It's the first time I've read any of the blog to the kids; I saw for the first time the weight of this thing in their lives that I've created, this record of their babydom, something they are going to be able to have. Until now I hadn't thought about it much. More, I've thought about the depression and frustration the honesty with which I've written here. I've thought of how I will feel about their reading that. (I feel okay about it, by the way.)

So it was lovely, reading to her. She was a funny (and intense) toddler. One of the posts mentioned something about a 'stage', and Frances asked what a stage is. I answered the question, then told her some stages are good and some are not so good. Then she said, "I'm in a really good stage right now, right Mama?" "Yes, that's true. You're really fun to be around right now," I said. "And Clark's in not such a good stage," she said. "Also true," I admitted. You can't argue with the girl.

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